~voltzen

this was originally written on my xanga, but i figured it'd be of some relevance here as well, this being a site to unleash creativity and all that.

please check it out... for me??

well things have been pretty damn turbulent lately... i've been through so many changes lately, jumping from one extreme to another... i was deeply confused, angry, depressed, apathetic, manic, etc, almost all at once. i had a series of major emotional breakdowns, outbursts, and revelations, and finally i listened to what everybody seemed to be telling me. while my life always seemed pretty normal and mundane in my eyes, it seemed as though i could get nobody else to agree with me here, in fact, everybody seemed to go as far as to say that my life would make a best-selling autobiography.

the pressure just became too great, especially after one person even offered to help me edit. i stepped back and took a good hard look at myself from an objective viewpoint, and realized, holy crap everybody is right. you can say a lot about me and my life, but one thing you gotta admit is that it's been one hell of a ride! so, starting last night, i got my ass busy and started working on my autobiography.

it's coming much more naturally than i anticipated, which is really encouraging. i've found that through writing, i'm achieving a sort of inner peace and i guess you could say i'm actually pretty proud of myself for once. so far i've already got a working title (no holds barred: a brutally honest autobiography), a very rough outline of the chapters, an idea of exactly how i want it written, and i've completed a few chapters already (chapter one of part two, as well as a few for part one), and the dedication. keep in mind i've only been working on this for a few hours total, as i started just last night and i actually got a good nights sleep before i picked up where i left off.

writing has really become very therapeutic to me, and is helping me 100 times more than the court ordered therapy ever could, and let me just add here, to those who have so much faith in the psychological industry, i have never consumed a single pill of that depakote crap that was prescribed to me. even when i was trapped in the confines of a psych ward, i always, always cheeked my pills and spit them out, i never consumed a single damn pill of that brain-washing drug. if i'm gonna consume a mind altering substance, it's gonna be one of my choosing, such as dextromethorphan or heroin or something along those lines. so, in your face, medical community.as of the past few days i'm the most well adjusted person i've yet to meet, and i have only myself and the encouragement of true friends to thank for it!

i think one thing that helped me in my resolve to actually go through with this, was the feedback i've gotten from people on this site. the understanding and encouraging words really meant a lot more to me than the people who left them will probably ever realize. so, thanks for that, i suppose.

i'll keep you all updated on the progress with my book, thanks to all my readers and supporters.

tschuss ~ voltz